The Bachelorette - Week 2

Ok, I get it...it may be fake, but I like it.  Last night's episode made me realize that they HAVE to be keeping Bentley and "Batman" on there for ratings.  And it's working. 

Ashley's first 1 on 1 date was with William - the cell phone salesman.  They fly to Vegas and plan a wedding.  She was trying to get him to freak out, but dude totally went along with it and made it pretty funny.  Later he crashes and burns at the cocktail party by being a total douche bag and bragging about his date.  

The group date was also in Vegas...wouldn't it have been easier to just fly the whole damn show out there in the beginning?  Any who, nothing exciting happened.

Her 2nd 1 on 1 was with Mickey - still hate his name - in (you guessed it) Vegas.  They flipped a coin for everything.  Cute at first, but really really annoying later on.  His first question to her was "when's the last time you cried"...WTF dude?  Can you be more depressing?

At the cocktail party the masked dude tried to reveal his face to Ashley, and wait for it - got interrupted by Matt.  Pretty hilarious.  Not to mention the monologue he gave mid-show that was backed with sappy music and a soaring falcon.  Oh ABC, you make me laugh.

In the end, she sends home Stephen - I told you he was gay, Ryan, and Matt. Matt calls his mom and tells her to pick him up from the airport and to cook him french toast when he gets home.  Wait, he lives with his mommy???

The previews for next week let us know that Bentley is in fact a total ass.  He says "I'm going to make her cry...I hope my hair looks good".  Thank goodness we don't have another Wes on our hands - at least he's leaving in week 3 and not staying til the end!

My boy Lucas flew under the radar this week.  West told Ashley about his wife dying.  And my third choice, Nick, line danced with her. I'm starting to think he's going home soon.  Just sayin.

New Look

For those of you who don't know me...I get really bored with the same surroundings.  I have been known to keep up to 4 different duvet covers for my bed and change them out every season.  Of course this also requires different window treatments, throw pillows and art.  A personality trait that can be very expensive.

So don't be alarmed if you see the blog change every now and then...I get bored easily.

In other news, I saw a dude pass out at the gym yesterday!  I was walking to get a medicine ball from the rack and I noticed this huge (6'7 or so) dude just standing there in front of the mirror and free weights.  He was just standing there, all stiff-like, holding 50lb free weights in each hand.  Then out of nowhere he fell over - knees locked. Guys from all over the place started yelling "Call 911!" and "he's not breathing!" and "wake up!"  I did nothing.  Yep.  I got my medicine ball and walked back to where I was before.  

Two reasons for doing this (so you don't think I'm a terrible person) 1.) what the hell was I going to do!?!  Yea, I know CPR, but I've only practiced on a dummy in high school.  "Look out guys, I know CPR - I've done this before (on a dummy)!"  Yea, that would have gone over well.  And reason 2.) There were plenty of people who made it over to him before I could get out of panic mode and realize what the hell just happened!

By the time I left, the whole 911 crew was there loading the dude up on a stretcher.  I didn't stick around to see what happened...but I can't lie - I'm really curious if he's okay.  I haven't stopped thinking about if I could have done something to help.  When I noticed that he was standing there, staring off into nothing, stiff...could I have done something to snap him out of it?  Probably not, but that's just how my mind works.

Thank God I'm not a lifeguard.

No Country for Old Dudes

I've come to a conclusion - old dudes like to talk to me.  I'm not really sure why.  Is it because they find me attractive and continue to talk to me after I'm far past "Hello, yes that bar stool is open"?  Or is it because when I talk to someone I'm not even remotely interested in I can speak more freely?

There's several "Old Dude Categories".  And as always, these discoveries are based on real life experiences:

The "legitimately-sweet-lonely-old-dude":  These are rare, and when you find one you should at least smile at them.  The little act of smiling at a lonely old dude really does make his day.  A long time ago, a friend and I were sitting at a bar having appetizers and drinks.  The guy next to us started talking to us, and we continued talking to him for over an hour.  Random things, nothing in particular.  He left and we waved goodbye.  When it was time for us to leave we asked for our tabs.  The bartender told us that the guy next to us had paid for all of our food and drinks.  He told the bartender to tell us that we reminded him of his daughters.  Now that's a generous, sweet, lonely, old dude.   Even if you don't buy my dinner or drinks, if you're there for conversation - I'll be glad to talk to you...until someone more interesting walks in.  (just being honest)

The "you-remind-me-of-my-daughter-now-I'm going-to-flirt-with-you-old-dude":  Ok, so the title in itself is creepy...and actually these guys are bordering the line of disturbing.  I find it really odd that someone would actually think that "you remind me of my daughter" would be a good pick up line.  Hey Mr. Old Dude, if you're going to use this line - think about how your daughter (that I apparently remind you of) would feel if another old dude approached her with this crap!  These men are silent assassins - they reel you in to make you think they're the legitimately-sweet-lonely-old-dude, and then they strike as the creepy old dude after you're hooked.  Gross.

The "old-dude-that-stares-at-you-across-the-room":  I don't know what's worse - approaching me and talking to me and telling me I remind you of your daughter, or just staring at me.  Creepy staring - like you're going to go all Buffalo Bill on me and stick me in a hole in your basement.  "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."  I want nothing to do with you - and I may just make a really ugly face at you next time I catch you staring.

The "overly-confident-old-dude":  This guy is going to talk to you like he really thinks he has a chance.  He will tell you he's divorced, he will brag about his money and cars, and will ultimately buy you a drink.  Take it...it's free.  But know this, he's so confident that he can get you he will annoy you all night!  Later on in the night, his child will show up - his child that is the same age, if not older than you.  On one occasion, I actually had the overly-confident-old-dude introduce me to his overly-confident-young-son.  This was not "hey, yall are the same age, you should talk"...nope...this was "check out this chick I just found to annoy".  I don't care if you're rich - you're old.  Period.

There are plenty more categories, but I'm so grossed out right now I can't continue thinking or writing about it.  So to all you old dudes out there, not all of us young chicks want a sugar daddy.  If you're into gold diggers, who "remind you of your daughter" (yuck) please,  get out of my bars - the skanks are looking for you elsewhere.

The Bachelorette - Week 1

The Bachelorette - Week 1

Judge me all you want.  Tell me its fake.  Make fun of me...but know this - I don't care, I love this show!  This season is going to be good judging from the premiere.  There's everything from a dude wearing a mask, to a liquor salesman who got too drunk on the first night (oh the irony).

There's 25 of them...here 's my opinion of each of them in 25 words or less:

• Ames:  (Portfolio Manager  from NY) His face is weird looking.
• Anthony:  (Butcher from NY) - eliminated...not going to waste my time on his lameness.
• Ben C:  (Lawyer from LA) Speaks French and has a sense of humor, but will absolutely get in the "friend zone" with Ashley.
• Ben F:  (Winemaker from CA)  And while wine is something I love, even an endless supply of it couldn't make me fall for this joke.
• Bentley:  (Businessman from FL) This guy is a total tool shed - and apparently doesn't care to hide the fact that he's not there for Ashley.  And he has a child named "Cozy" WTF?
• Blake: (Dentist from SC) Good looking dude, if you can get past his huge teeth.
• Chris D: (Sports Marketing Coordinator from IL) Not sure about him yet...
• Chris M: (Canadian) <-- 'nuff said - he too was eliminated first night. 
• Constantine: (Restaurant Owner from GA) Not attractive and has a really dumb name.
• Frank: (College Admin Director from AK) This guy tried too hard - and so he was eliminated.
• J.P.: (Construction Manager from NY) Nice guy...he'll get far, but not her type.
• Jeff: (Entrepreneur from MO) aka "Batman"...this tard wore a mask the first night and all the other guys gave him crap - she kept him.
• Jon: (E-Commerce Executive from WA) OMG, she eliminated him!?!  He was hot...but then he cried.  Pansy.
• Lucas: (Oilfield Equip. Distributor from TX) He's a conservative Republican from Texas.  If he shows up in boots I'm sold.
• Matt: (Office Supply Salesman from MA) He's cute, but I'm not sold on him yet.
• Michael: (Technology Salesman from RI) Eliminated, and I don't remember anything about him.
• Mickey: (Chef from NY) WTF is up with all the Yankees?!?  Again, I like food, but I don't think I could tolerate his accent. (M-I-C...see ya real soon...K-E-Y...why, because we like you)
• Nick: (Personal Trainer from FL) This guy SO wants to be Matthew McConaughey, and that's okie dokie with me!  Did I mention that he played baseball?  Double points.
• Rob: (Technology Executive from MI) Eliminated in first ceremony
• Ryan M: (Construction Estimator from MI) He didn't stand out to me last night, so I'm undecided on him.
• Ryan P: (Solar Energy Executive from CA) Seriously, everyone loves the earth, but J.C. at what point in your life do you say "I want to make solar energy"...nerd.
• Stephen: (Hairstylist from CT) Do I even need to go into this?  He's clearly gay.
• Tim: (Liquor Distributor from NY)  Again with the New Yorkers...oh, and this dude blew it by getting tanked and passing out.  Winning!
• West: (Lawyer from SC) OK, I'm up in the air on this one...he's hot, but I googled him and found this.  We all have our flaws, right?!
• William: (Cellular Phone Salesman from OH) He's funny, good looking, but he sells cell phones...minus 5 points. (he sells cell phones by the sea shore)

Well there it is...Lucas, Nick and West are my 3.  Tina (my wonderful mother) chose Lucas, William and JP.  What can I say, like mother like daughter - we're a sucker for cowboys! 

Speaking of my mother, she tells me last night that I should go on the show.  So I started thinking about it and here's 5 reasons why they would never allow me to be The Bachelorette:

1.  I'd eliminate at least half of the guys in the first night - first impressions are very important and if I think you're lame, you're out.
2.  In addition to #1, I'd let people go before the ceremony each week - prolonging the inevitable is dumb...learned that the hard way.  
3.  I would require tests throughout the show such as unclogging a toilet, cooking a steak on the grill and changing the oil in a car - I need a man who can do "man" things...not one who calls another man to do it.
4.  Speaking of tests, what about a lie detector test?  Yea, that would save a lot of time!  My season wouldn't last a month.
5.  Drum roll please... and the #5 reason I would be a horrible Bachelorette: I'm not that desperate.

Introduction to Reality

It's true, I have lived an amazing life and I have the stories to back it up too.  Unfortunately, it's not that much fun to read about stuff that's already happened, so here's to the beginning of the documentation of shenanigans!

Everything that has happened in my life has shaped me into the person I am today.  Good or bad, exciting or boring, hilarious or serious - how you choose to handle life's events impacts who you are as a person.  

The Good: I have an amazing job that keeps me getting up in the mornings and allows me to set goals for myself daily. I'm a Sales Support Specialist and Playground Designer - yes, as in swings and slides.  I get to have almost immediate gratification in what I do: whether it's as simple as giving a client exactly what they imagined on paper, or visiting a park that I designed and know that it will be there for children to enjoy for years to come.  I work with amazing people and have an extreme passion for providing play to the world.  In the end, if you don't like what you do, you're going to be miserable doing it. 

The Bad: The worst part about the "good" is that I'm away from my family.  I remember saying in my first semester in college that I couldn't WAIT to get out of this town (Rock Hill).  I had ambitions of moving back to Charleston and pursuing my very expensive major - both of which would make my parents happy.  Guess what, it didn't happen.  Nope, I'm 3 hours away and miss them every day of my life.  Ok, so 3 hours isn't bad, but that is absolutely the WORST drive from Rock Hill to Charleston!  Maybe one day I'll be back there...

The Exciting: It really doesn't take much to get me excited about something.  If it involves getting out of the house and around the people I love then LT is a happy camper.  However, I'm a planner - and I hate surprises.  The occasional spontaneous "hey, lets do ____" is fun...but I don't plan on doing anything spontaneous in the near future.

The Boring:  Just recently (March) I moved into my own place - alone.  I have never lived by myself - I always had roommate(s) and once tried to live with a guy...the aforementioned reason for moving into my own place.  While living alone has perks like walking around naked, or choosing not to clean up after myself...it definitely gets boring at times.  You'll see in my later blogs that I'm a reality show junkie...Love the stuff.  And actually, last night while I was watching The Bachelorette I caught myself hysterically laughing (alone) and had to call my mom to share the laugh with her.  That was the turning point when I said "Lindsey, you need to a.) find someone to watch this with or b.) write about it the next day".  I choose b.

The Hilarious:  Life is too short not to laugh.  I love to laugh and I love making other people laugh.  Laughing is good for you - you should try it.  Laughing until you pee your pants is not good - however I wish all of you a moment in life that brings you to that point!  Days after something happens that I find funny, I love retelling that moment and letting others in on it (hence the blog)!

The Serious:  There are very few things in life I take too seriously - winning, loving and death are three of them.  I'm competitive - in every aspect in life!  I will not let you win, and I will not feel bad for kicking your ass either - seriously.  I'm going to be the mom who doesn't let her kids win at Candy Land - seriously.  My dad didn't let me win in Rummy, and I'm a pretty good Rummy player today because of it - seriously.  Love is something I take seriously, even though my luck in love is pretty terrible.  That's pretty much all I have to say about that - seriously.  Death has brought me down to the lowest of lows before.  Losing my grandfather (better known as Papa) was the most difficult road block God has put in my path.  I looked up to him in ways most people can't even fathom - he was my hero and will always be my hero.  I miss him everyday - seriously.




I really hate to end the first entry of my blog in a sad note...so here's a funny story from this past weekend:


Kelsey, Danny and I went to Charanda's Mexican Grill on Friday night to feast on delicious food and margaritas.  Danny asked the waiter what kind of desserts they had, and Guill (I know his name from the receipt - yes, I just checked it) replies as if he's in some kind of competition.  Danny asks him if he had a picture of the desserts - confused, Guill replies and gestures "Pitcher?"  After assuring Guill that Danny did not want a pitcher of sopaipilla, Danny asks if he can taste it before he orders it.  My friends...this is how you taste dessert at Charandas - your waiter pretends it's your birthday...Sombrero, singers and all.  Good night, good laughs.