The Bachelorette - Emily Maynard

It's that time again...Bachelorette Season!

I'm kind of on the fence with this season, even after one episode.  I want to watch - because it was filmed here in Charlotte...but these tool bags ABC picked for her are really making me NOT want to watch!

Seriously ABC, you know you received better audition tapes than some of these clowns.  I understand you have to have a hand-full of weirdos to keep the viewers on their toes, but come on...one dude brought a freaking ostrich egg along with him!

But, I'm going to watch...and hope there's a few dudes out of this mix that aren't completely worthless.

Past seasons, I've blogged every Monday night...that won't happen this time.  Mostly because, well, I actually have a life now a days.  Basically, I'll blog when I feel it necessary...so you should follow me.  Seriously, do it...

Ok, so after night one I decided to give my first impression of these fellas...

 And here's my top 3:

I have to admit, for the last several months, every time I saw a helicopter in the area I assumed it was the Bachelorette...or apparently Kalon.

Good luck to Emily...I hope you sift thru the douche bags and find your prince!

Cheers Y'all!

The Bachelorette - Finale

Sorry so late on the blog from Monday's finale...it's been a rough week!

Quite honestly, since InTouch completely spoiled the ending for me, I didn't really enjoy the finale as much as I would have normally.  Thanks again you jerks.

Since I'm late on updating, didn't enjoy the finale, and don't really care that much anymore, you're gettin' highlights:

JP's date with Ashley's family went horribly because Ashley's sister is a total B and judges JP within 15 minutes of meeting him.  How much of a B is she?  Well she told JP that she saw more emotion out of Ashley when she brought Brad home.  OUCH.

Ashley confronts her sister, Chrystie (could you try any harder to spell her name weird?) and the witch tells her that she's not going to tell her what Ashley wants to hear and sugar coat everything.  Hey Chrystie, you don't have to sugar coat things...but a few sprinkles wouldn't hurt!

Ben's date with Ashley's family goes much smoother since Chrystie is NICE to him.

Ashley and Ben get one last one on one date and Ben tells her "I am inlovewithyou"...yes, read it just like that, because that's how he said it.  And lots of kissing happens.

Ashley and JP's final date is more about talking future plans and JP tells Ashley "I'm madly in love with you" and gives her a photo album from their journey.  Corny, yet sweet.

The boys go pick out their rings with Neil Lane...Ben picks out a holy sh*t ring that's a little too much for little Ashley!  JP chooses a cushion cut diamond with diamonds surrounding the HUGE solitaire and all along the band...really pretty ring!

The moment everyone has been waiting for (unless you read InTouch last week)...the final rose ceremony!  

Ben is up first (which means he's going home) and we get a sad monologue about his dad dying and how he lost a family member but will gain one today with Ashley.  Ben apparently has never seen the show before because he says to Ashley "You don't have a ring on!" - umm, dude, that's because you're first up, and she's sending you home.  Ashley starts to tell Ben that she didn't choose him when dummy interrupts her and gets down on one knee.  You probably should have not interrupted her, dude...men, take this as a lesson - don't interrupt us cause you may end up looking like a total dumb ass.  Ben is obviously pissed and pretty much tries to leave without saying goodbye.  Ben cruises by the "proposal site" in a dingy that seems to be taking him out to the middle of the ocean.

JP gives Ashley a great speech, gets down on one knee and of course she says YES!  They run out into the ocean - now, I read (twitter) that her dress cost $16K...call me frugal, but I'd be pissed if I got that wet!  AND, how are you going to top that with a wedding gown?!!?

So that's it...yay.  It's over.  The most boring season of Bachelorette thus far.  Now we all have to wait and see who's the new Bachelor.  I'm guessing it's Ben or William.  I'm sure InTouch will ruin that one for me too.

The Bachelorette - Men Tell All

There's not much to really talk about, so here's some highlights from the episode:

• Bachelor Pad looks pretty good this season!  
• Casey "guard and protect your heart" is with Vienna?!?  Yuck.
• William gets called out by Ben C for him telling Ashley about Ben's online dating statement.  My opinion, I would have done the same thing William did!  Nobody is going to get in the way and waste time I could be having with the bachelor!
• Lucas said that Ryan was like a camp counselor - haha!
• Plenty of talk about Jeff "the Mask": Chris D said that it looked stupid, Tim said it freaked him out, and Nick said that if everyone thought he looked stupid, then that should mean Ashely did too - and to just let him look stupid!
• William admitted that he was fully embarrassed about his comedy fail.  Nick calls him out and asks "What are we all doing here?" and William comes back "because we're single and can't find a date!?"  Well played sir.
• Ryan gets in the hot seat and Blake calls him out on his emotional goodbye when he was sent home the FIRST time.  Blake says that he had just as much time as Ryan did and he shouldn't have been so upset when Ashley told him she didn't feel it.  Then Ryan comes back and proves that he's even more of a Dbag by admitting that he read books about what questions to ask before you propose, kept notes and a journal as well.  
• Ames got big love from the ladies in the audience when he was called up to the hot seat.  This guy has to get Botox...he has zero wrinkles!  Chris gives Ames the pink boxing gloves from his fight that gave him the concussion.
• Of course we have to hear about Bentley.  Michelle, the one who sent the texts to Ashley, explains in more detail about the texts and her choice to send them to Ashley.  
• Ashley finally comes out and talks Bentley more - says she regrets wasting time on him...wait, I thought this was suppose to be "No Regrets Ashley"?
• Ryan admits to Ashley that now that he's seen how her and JP and Ben's relationships are, he understands the lack of passion they had.
• Tim (the drunk dude from the first episode) says "hey, nice to meet you" and then apologizes to her for passing out.
• Jason, Dionna and Ali come by to talk to Ashley and Chris Harrison...nothing really worth reliving.
• The outtakes, as always, are HISTARICAL!

Tomorrow night is the finale - and thanks to InTouch magazine for releasing the publication a week early, I know who she picks. Thanks...jerks.

The Bachelorette - Week 8

Ashley and the boys are off to Fiji - another "this is the most beautiful place in the world"!  Ashley says it never rains in Fiji, but two of the three dates was raining at some point.  Hmm.

Dun Dun Dun...Ryan shows back up - in Fiji.  You can tell Ashley is totally overwhelmed that he was there and not really sure how to react.  Ryan tells Ashley that he didn't think their date in Taiwan allowed them to find the passion in their relationship.  He asks her for another chance to spend time together and gives her his hotel room number.  Well, at least he didn't force an answer out of her right then and there!

Ben gets the first date of the trip and they go out on a huge yacht.  Ben and Ashley lube eachother up with sunscreen and flirt big time the whole date.  I'm liking Ben more and more as time goes by - he's funny when he flirts!  Later in the evening they have dinner and talk about what their favorite part of the date was and they both agree that it was the ride home - umm, we didn't get to see that.  Ben circles around the "I Love You" but never actually says it to Ashley - but lets us know that he feels that strongly for her.  Chris leaves a fantasy suite date card with them and while Ben makes it sound less scandalous than it is by letting her know he's ready to take their relationship to the next level - Ashley says "wanna get out of here?"

Constantine's date starts off in a helicopter that flies them all over Fiji.  The best part of this episode is they show Ryan walking around on a reef and Ashley and Constantine fly over - ba ha ha ha!  They fly to a waterfall that is absolutely gorgeous and Constantine is genuinely excited and overwhelmed with everything they've done so far.  During their picnic, Constantine tells Ashley that he looked at 108 houses before he bought the one he lives in now!  OMG, I would HATE to be his real estate agent!  Ashley thinks they need more time, and takes the statement about the houses as how he searches for a wife...not really, but kind of Ash.  Later in the evening, they start talking more about how they feel, and Constantine tells her that being affectionate usually comes naturally to him, but he hasn't felt the urge as much with Ashley to show affection.  He continues to bury himself and tells her that he doesn't have the feelings he needs to move forward with her and that this is the end of the road for him.  

Around this time, Obama interrupts and lets us know - once again, how much our country is in debt.  Um, I don't interrupt you Mr. President to talk about my credit card bills, do I?  Couldn't this have waited until like 10:01?

Constantine leaves...nobody is really sad about this.  Ashley opens the fantasy suite date card - as if you don't know what it says???

Ashley goes to see Ryan and he is 100% ecstatic that she came to see him - don't worry, he won't be for long.  Ashley tells him that he was exactly what she thought she was looking for from the beginning but that she has found the passion with two other people.  Ouch...sent packing twice - it's like watching someone kick a puppy.  Ryan gazes out over the reef by his room and watches the blow holes - probably thinking about going to put his face on one.  In other news, Ashley was telling the truth when she said Ryan was what she wanted from the beginning - take a gander at the similarities:

The best for last - JP and Ashley get to fly to a private island (the pilot is really only like 100 yards away) and be boring.  Her dates are terrible - have I said that before?  Poor selection Ashley!  And for cryin' out loud, JP, take your shirt off!!!  Thank you.  Ok, back to the date...and the evil joke Ashley plays on JP.  So, we all know that Constantine left and Ryan left as well...JP doesn't know this.  Ashley tells JP that she sent two people home this week - and you can see JP's face light up like the Griswold's house at Christmas.  The poor guy thought he won!  Finally she lets him in on the important detail that Ryan came back.  JP blushes the entire time he reads the fantasy suite card - and apparently Ashley is needing some action.  Once they get to the fantasy suite, Ashley changes into a white oxford and nothing else - well that's not forward at all...  Wait, didn't Michelle Money do that last season?

Even though there's two guys and two roses, Ashley still wants a rose ceremony - because it's important that they accept the roses from her - and they do.

Sunday night is the "Men Tell All" episode and Monday is the finale...and THEN Monday AFTER the finale is the "After the Final Rose" episode.  Whew, my DVR is gonna be blowin' up!

The Bachelorette - Week 7

It's hometown visit time!  Time for our Bachelorette to see the family that "grew" the bachelors she is dating and probably realize that their families are crazies!

First stop: Cumming, GA (LOL) to see Constantine and his family.  Constantine is growing on me a little - mostly because he's a chef and I like food.  He takes Ashley to his restaurant where they make pizza and really cheesy jokes with each other.  The waitresses are spying on them thru the window while they eat and giggle when they kiss - awww...barf.  Ashley gets to meet his Mom, Dad and Sister.  LOVE his dad!  He said something that I never really thought of, but makes total sense: "Relationships aren't perfect, but they should FEEL perfect in the beginning".  So true!  Later on, his ENTIRE FAMILY shows up with Ouzo and they dance around like crazy Greeks.  Fun family in my opinion!

Next stop: Chadds Ford, PA to see Ames and his family.  Now that I realize he's from PA, I realize that's why he's weird looking.  Ames runs like a little sissy girl to greet Ashley.  Most hometowns start out with the couple having some one on one time then meeting the family - but Ames takes her straight to his parent's house...weird.  His sister grills Ashley and Ames and says that she doesn't see the sparks.  Ashley agrees and adds that she's missing the passion she feels with other bachelors.  Ames takes her on a picnic later in the afternoon where he continues to be a d bag and the world's most awkward kiss happens!  Yuck.

On to Sonoma, CA to see Ben and his family.  Ben and Ashley kiss upon seeing each other - the only guy she kisses at greeting during the hometown visits!  Ben takes her to the winery and they kiss yet again!  They have a rainy picnic and Ashley asks the strangest question: "If your dad were meeting me today, what would he be like?"  Ummm, Ash, his dad is dead...not cool.  Typical conversations with his mom and sister during dinner and after dinner.  PS, his sister is an Amazon!

Finally to Long Island, NY to see JP and his family!  JP takes Ashley roller-skating and they seem so comfortable together!  JP busts his ars, and that's funny...I love when people fall.  Apparently JP got all the looks because his brother is not cute!  Also not cute, his Bat Mitzvah picture his mom brings out!  Haha!  Too funny!

At the rose ceremony, Ashley sends Ames packing and he looks like he's totally confused as to what is going on!  And, he may be on some kind of drugs?

Next week we're going to Fiji for the overnight dates!  Oooooh!  

The Bachelorette - Week 6

Last stop in Asia - Taiwan.  There's no roses on the one on one dates and only one rose on the group date, so everyone can finally relax a little and be themselves.

Constantine gets the first one on one date with Ashley and they take a train to a village.  Apparently this village has a lantern festival and they paint their wishes on paper lanterns and then send them off into the night.  Ashley and Constantine paint their "love wishes" on a lantern and it looks like a 3 year old did it.  At the end of the show, they show an outtake from this date and I literally LOL'ed!  They stop walking for a minute and he sets the lantern down on the ground near them.  Then a dog comes running by, and yes, you guessed it - pisses on their love lantern!  Haha!  That can't be a good sign!  Ashley thinks Constantine is a good looking guy - and now that I think about it - he looks like a "nice Bentley".

Ben gets the second one on one date and they go on a moped ride through the country side.  Ben says that this date is "right out of a fairytale"...WTF Ben?  What kind of fairytales are you reading???  Pretty sure Cinderella went to the ball in a carriage, not a Harley Davidson.  Not much more to say about this date since I think he's not attractive at all...oh, but I'm pretty sure Ashley is wearing a tutu.

The last group date and JP is so pissed off...apparently Ben didn't come home after his date.  Ben shows up and tells them that he didn't spend the night with her, and that he had his own room...B.S..  Any who, Ashley continues to bore us with her terrible choices for group dates and takes the guys to a wedding photography studio.  I have to admit, seeing the guys dress up in the costumes was pretty funny!  Lucas gets a traditional Taiwanese wedding dress thing, Ames looks like an ostrich and Elton John's love child, and JP gets the traditional tuxedo.  Thank goodness, because if he was put in that dress Lucas was wearing he may have thrown a temper tantrum!  The photo session was pretty dumb, but that's par for the course.  JP tells Ashley that he's upset seeing her go on dates with other guys - dude, haven't you seen the show - that's kind of how it works!  So, Ashley gives JP the rose which guarantees him a hometown date.

Finally Ryan gets his one on one date with Ashley.  Ashley says she's missing the romantic connection with Ryan and wants to figure out if it can be there.  Ok, personally - Ryan freaks me out - he smiles WAY too much.  He's like a creepy clown...that isn't funny.  Any who, Ashley tells Ryan to teach her something new and this guy basically hangs himself.  Tank less water heaters - yea, that's the topic you pick when you're trying to win a girl's heart?!?  Thankfully, Ashley realizes this guy is a total D bag and sends him packing.  Dude looks like someone just took Christmas from him when she tells him she doesn't feel a romantic connection with him.  He can't even do his exit interview because he's too busy running into the bushes and cussing and crying.  Thanks for the D bag confirmation, Ryan...too da-loo gay boy!  Unless ABC does the worst thing ever and makes you the new Bachelor!  OMG I would have to skip that season!

It's Cocktail Time!  JK...Ashley cancels the cocktail party and tells Chris Harrison that she knows what she wants to do and is ready to hand out roses.  I have to agree with her in all these cocktail party cancellations...if I knew for a fact who I wanted to send home, I wouldn't be able to fake being nice to them during the cocktail party.  

Ames, Ben and Constantine (and JP) get roses and Ashley sends Lucas home.  WHAT?!!??!  You kept jug head Ames and sent hot cowboy Lucas home?!?!  Are you stupid!?!  I've liked Lucas from the beginning and his attitude in his exit made me love him even more!  Thank you Lucas for not crying and being a man - finally, a guy who will Cowboy Up and go home without embarrassing himself.  

On another note, I'm moving to Texas to find Lucas...figure I can catch him on the rebound.

The Bachelorette - Week 5

Welcome to "The Bentley Show"!

Bentley gets a free trip to China to tell Ashley that he wants their relationship to no longer be a dot dot dot and to end with a period.  Finally Ashley sees that loser we have all been seeing since day one!

Now that he's out - we move on...and we hope Ashley does as well!

Lucas gets the first one on one date.  Lucas calls Ashley "sweetheart" and asks if he can kiss her.  Again, if she doesn't pick him I'm going to Texas to find this gem!

The group date takes the guys to the coast where they have to go recruit teams to dragon boat race.  Nobody speaks English and they resort to charades and sound effects to get people to come help them row their boats.  Constantine and Ben decide that sense they can't recruit, they should at least look cool (like total idiots) when they race and buy silk dragon robes.  These guys may not have won, but they at least kept it fun by singing "row row row your boat" and chanting "Ba Chi"...which they thought meant "eat it" but it really means "idiot".  You said it guys!  Mickey and Ames win the race.  Ames may have proved to be a winner on the water but was a total loser at the 2nd half of the date.  He steals Ashley away to take her to the 46th floor of the building they were in to show her the view.  This was the most awkward 42 floors of elevator travel history.  Ames keeps kissing her and it's beyond gross...he's obviously drunk because no sober man would continue to shove his tongue down a girls throat for 42 floors.  Ryan gets the rose on the group date - everyone hates him even more now.

JP gets the 2nd one on one date and also gets the benefit of being the only guy (so far) that Ashley tells about Bentley's visit.  He takes it well and tells her he's happy she's over him.  By the way, the Bentley count is up to 26 right now.

Cocktail Time!  Ashley tells the rest of the guys about Bentley's visit to Hong Kong and there's mixed emotions from the guys.  Lucas is pissed, but Mickey takes the cake when he tells Ashley to send him home if he's just her "plan b if things didn't work with Bentley."  Toot-a-loo Mickey - time for you to leave...and Ashley isn't even shedding a tear as Mickey decides to leave on his own.  By the way, Mickey looks like Tom Hanks...

33 Bentley name drops later, Ashley sends Blake home.

I hope there's more drama in the near future with this show, cause I'm getting bored.