Sheen-Zings!

So after being a little disappointed in the premiere of "Two and a Half Men", I was really hoping the "Roast of Charlie Sheen" was going to blow my mind.  And for the most part...it did.

Here's the punchlines that literally made me LOL:

Engineer of the Crazy Train

• Charlie Sheen, the reason why blow on a penis is now called a "Sheenis"

• How long will we have to wait for a Sheen reality show?  "Deadliest Snatch"

• How much blow can Charlie Sheen do?  Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

• With all the damage Charlie has done to his lungs, kidneys and liver it's amazing that the only thing he's had removed was his kids.

• Charlie Sheen's nostrils are so full of snot and coke that he calls them the Hilton Sisters.

• If Charlie is winning, there's something wrong with the scoreboard!

• Charlie, don't you want to live to see your kid's first 12 steps?

Ouch.

• Brooke Mueller, she's not that bright unless Charlie is throwing a lamp at her.

• Mike Tyson's opponents spent as much time in the corner bleeding as Charlie's ex wives.

• Mike Tyson has beaten every opponent...except the letter "S".

• Jeff Ross, you're terrible...During your performance I wanted to bite both of my own ears off! (Mike)

• Mike Tyson, you will always have more $hit on your face than Seal.  (ouch.)

• Charlie Sheen, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J Fox.

• Charlie Sheen says he has tiger blood running thru his veins.  Unfortunately that tiger is a huge drug addict.

• Charlie Sheen's nose is like my ass, there's nothing you won't shove up there! (Steve O)

• Charlie is really looking forward to hitting rock bottom...he thinks there's a rock there.

• That's what it looks like when an asshole gets fisted. (Seth referring to Steve O receiving a black eye from Mike Tyson)

Fisted by the Champ

• Mike Tyson, you have a slutty lower back tattoo on your face.

• Charlie Sheen, you're like Bruce Willis.  Big in the 80's, but now your old slot is being filled with Ashton Kutcher.

• Book your next rehab stay through price-line.com (William Shatner) 

• Sorry I drank all the blood out of your Tiger, Mike.  I was going thru a rough phase.  (Charlie Sheen)

• Y'all can't hurt me.  Hell, I can't even hurt me!  (C. Sheen)