The Bachelorette - Week 1

The Bachelorette - Week 1

Judge me all you want.  Tell me its fake.  Make fun of me...but know this - I don't care, I love this show!  This season is going to be good judging from the premiere.  There's everything from a dude wearing a mask, to a liquor salesman who got too drunk on the first night (oh the irony).

There's 25 of them...here 's my opinion of each of them in 25 words or less:

• Ames:  (Portfolio Manager  from NY) His face is weird looking.
• Anthony:  (Butcher from NY) - eliminated...not going to waste my time on his lameness.
• Ben C:  (Lawyer from LA) Speaks French and has a sense of humor, but will absolutely get in the "friend zone" with Ashley.
• Ben F:  (Winemaker from CA)  And while wine is something I love, even an endless supply of it couldn't make me fall for this joke.
• Bentley:  (Businessman from FL) This guy is a total tool shed - and apparently doesn't care to hide the fact that he's not there for Ashley.  And he has a child named "Cozy" WTF?
• Blake: (Dentist from SC) Good looking dude, if you can get past his huge teeth.
• Chris D: (Sports Marketing Coordinator from IL) Not sure about him yet...
• Chris M: (Canadian) <-- 'nuff said - he too was eliminated first night. 
• Constantine: (Restaurant Owner from GA) Not attractive and has a really dumb name.
• Frank: (College Admin Director from AK) This guy tried too hard - and so he was eliminated.
• J.P.: (Construction Manager from NY) Nice guy...he'll get far, but not her type.
• Jeff: (Entrepreneur from MO) aka "Batman"...this tard wore a mask the first night and all the other guys gave him crap - she kept him.
• Jon: (E-Commerce Executive from WA) OMG, she eliminated him!?!  He was hot...but then he cried.  Pansy.
• Lucas: (Oilfield Equip. Distributor from TX) He's a conservative Republican from Texas.  If he shows up in boots I'm sold.
• Matt: (Office Supply Salesman from MA) He's cute, but I'm not sold on him yet.
• Michael: (Technology Salesman from RI) Eliminated, and I don't remember anything about him.
• Mickey: (Chef from NY) WTF is up with all the Yankees?!?  Again, I like food, but I don't think I could tolerate his accent. (M-I-C...see ya real soon...K-E-Y...why, because we like you)
• Nick: (Personal Trainer from FL) This guy SO wants to be Matthew McConaughey, and that's okie dokie with me!  Did I mention that he played baseball?  Double points.
• Rob: (Technology Executive from MI) Eliminated in first ceremony
• Ryan M: (Construction Estimator from MI) He didn't stand out to me last night, so I'm undecided on him.
• Ryan P: (Solar Energy Executive from CA) Seriously, everyone loves the earth, but J.C. at what point in your life do you say "I want to make solar energy"...nerd.
• Stephen: (Hairstylist from CT) Do I even need to go into this?  He's clearly gay.
• Tim: (Liquor Distributor from NY)  Again with the New Yorkers...oh, and this dude blew it by getting tanked and passing out.  Winning!
• West: (Lawyer from SC) OK, I'm up in the air on this one...he's hot, but I googled him and found this.  We all have our flaws, right?!
• William: (Cellular Phone Salesman from OH) He's funny, good looking, but he sells cell phones...minus 5 points. (he sells cell phones by the sea shore)

Well there it is...Lucas, Nick and West are my 3.  Tina (my wonderful mother) chose Lucas, William and JP.  What can I say, like mother like daughter - we're a sucker for cowboys! 

Speaking of my mother, she tells me last night that I should go on the show.  So I started thinking about it and here's 5 reasons why they would never allow me to be The Bachelorette:

1.  I'd eliminate at least half of the guys in the first night - first impressions are very important and if I think you're lame, you're out.
2.  In addition to #1, I'd let people go before the ceremony each week - prolonging the inevitable is dumb...learned that the hard way.  
3.  I would require tests throughout the show such as unclogging a toilet, cooking a steak on the grill and changing the oil in a car - I need a man who can do "man" things...not one who calls another man to do it.
4.  Speaking of tests, what about a lie detector test?  Yea, that would save a lot of time!  My season wouldn't last a month.
5.  Drum roll please... and the #5 reason I would be a horrible Bachelorette: I'm not that desperate.