The Bachelor - Week 5

It’s week 5 and we’re in Puerto Rico with 11 gals left to win over Ben’s heart.  Puerto Rico – I’m already expecting a “this is the perfect place to fall in love” sometime in the next hour.  Nikki gets the first one on one date and it’s written in Spanish – of course smarty farty Emily can speak Spanish and translates for the others.

OH look!  A helicopter.  Imagine that.  Oh, and it pours on their date so they’re soaked.  So, the couple goes out to find new dry clothes – “traditional Puerto Rican garments”…not so much.  Ben looks like a kid dressed up in his Mafia Uncle’s clothes.

Second part of the date – after they practically crash a wedding ceremony – they hang out and talk about Nikki’s past relationship and marriage.  Blah blah blah.  Apparently Ben doesn’t mind sloppy seconds, because he gives Nikki the rose.  Kiss, Kiss, Kiss….barf barf barf.

The group date: Lindzi, Courtney, Kacie B., Emily, Rachel, Cacey S., Jamie, Blakeley, and someone else (no clue what her name is) go to the Gigante’s stadium to play a little baseball.  Chris Harrison crashes the date and tells the girls that there’s a romantic beach date that night and the winning team gets the evening date – losers go back to hotel.  Lindzi gets picked to play on both teams – therefore securing one of the five spaces for the night time date.  These bitches are ruthless!  The red team wins after Jennifer strikes out in extra innings.  Helicopter #2 shows up and the blue team is PISSED – especially Blakeley.  Haven’t these girls seen “A League of Their Own?”  There’s no crying in baseball!  

The five girls that won get to go to a beach side campfire date where Ben gets a little one on one time with all of the girls.  Ben gives Kacie B. the rose on the group date…but Courtney won’t be having that.  She steals Ben away RIGHT after he gives Kacie the rose.  Courtney proposes that she and Ben go skinny dipping…Ben isn’t so sure about it.

Elyse gets the second one on one date with Ben and it’s on a yacht!  Not much to report here, folks…it’s pretty boring for being a date on a giant yacht.  The evening comes and they have a dinner on the beach with pink champagne and boring conversation.  This girl is kind of boring…pretty, but boring.  And apparently Ben doesn’t find her much more interesting – so he doesn’t give her the rose.  And with that…Elyse is sent packing – in a dingy.  

Courtney is a bitch.  I mean seriously…people like her really exist in the world?  So much hatred and rudeness towards other women.  And the couth to show up at Ben’s hotel room unannounced with wine, lotion and nothing but a bathrobe on.  What a slut.  Courtney lures Ben out onto the beach and then somehow gets him naked and in the water.  What a slut.  “You’re only in Puerto Rico once”…but you ma’am will be a slut forever.

As Sandra Lee says “It’s Cocktail Time!”  Blakeley pulls Ben aside and tells him some B.S. about how she deserves love and blah, blah, blah.  Courtney continues to be a slut.  Emily tells Ben that she’s not worried about Courtney and wants to focus on her and Ben’s relationship…but then continues to talk about how she doesn’t like Courtney.  Ben tells her to watch out and basically to butt out.  

At the Rose Ceremony, Ben gives roses to Lindzi, Jamie, Rachel, Courtney, Cacey S., Blakeley and Emily - sending Jennifer home.

Next week - they're off to Panama City!

Toot-a-loo y'all!

The Bachelor - Week 4

The Bachelor and his beeotches are in Park City, Utah and while I would normally say “WTF? Utah?”, I find myself going “Holy crap, Park City is beautiful!”  And in true Bachelor fashion…someone has to say “This is the perfect place to fall in love”…thanks, got it.

First date card goes to Rachel the Fashion Sales Rep from NY.  Kacie B. has now officially cried twice in the first 3 minutes of the show.  Come on girl…get a grip.  Cliché #2, Ben picks Rachel up in a helicopter and head off in the mountains for a picnic.  Kissy McKisserson lays one on Rachel while they paddle around in a canoe on a lake infested with bugs.  Seriously, this is insanely romantic.  Nope.  The conversation between these two is like watching paint dry…actually paint drying would be way less awkward. 

The second half of the date heads to a secluded cabin in the woods for dinner and more really interesting conversations.  Ben and Rachel talk about relationships and the fact that if you’re not in it 100% then you should end them.  Couldn’t agree more…been there, done that, hated it.  Regardless of the lame ass conversations these two have, Ben gives Rachel the rose.

Group date: Jaime, Kasie S., Kacie B., Lindzy, Blakeley, Samantha, Nikki, and Courtney get invited to spend the day with Ben in the great outdoors.  Ben rides up on a horse…I’m sure Lindzy is gonna love this!  Then they head to a stream to go fly fishing – now see this is my kind of date!  I hope Courtney drowns.  Harsh, right?  Yea, it is…she sucks.  Ugh I can’t stand her…so much that I’m not going to go into details about her fish she caught.

The second half of the group date begins with Courtney’s mousey voice talking about how much she sucks…I mean, how much she wants to steal Ben from all the girls.  One on one conversations start with the typical “can I steal him away” bullcrap. Kiss #2, Nikki…then interrupted by Samantha.  Samantha basically bitches about being on three group dates and no one on one dates.  Ben tells her that he isn’t sure if she’s there for the right reason and serious about being ther and he’s not seeing it going any further with her…and tells her it’s time for her to go.  Damn Ben!  Didn’t know you had it in ya!  And of course Courtney has to have something bitchy to say…skank.

Ben steals Kacie B away to a hotel room and they chat about stuff and things.  Ben tells her that he wanted to kiss her in the stream but couldn’t do it in front of the other girls.  He really digs her…and it’s cute.

Oh, but we have to ruin the moment with Courtney and Ben kissing.  DUDE!  Stop kissing her…she sucks!  She tells Ben that she’s lost sight of them as a couple because she hasn’t gotten to spend as much time with him as she wants.  Boo freaking hoo.  I just don’t understand why people fall for such fake people…and believe ANYTHING they say!  UGH, and to top it off…Ben gives Courtney the rose to re-assure her that he has feelings for her.  BEN…that’s the type of person she is…you will have to re-assure her with gifts the rest of your life if you pick her!  Barf.

Jennifer gets the second one on one date with Ben.  They head up to a deep cave like crater thing at the top of a mountain that has “No Trespassing” signs everywhere.  Safe.  After they plunge into the crater they go into the second half of the date and have dinner outside and have normal conversations…refreshing.  After they’re forced to go indoors due to the rain, Ben gives Jennifer the rose.  In true Bachelor fashion, after the rose is given out they get to do something amazing.  Clay Walker is playing on the top of a mountain!  Dammit I want to go on these dates!  Dumb-Dumb Jennifer says “it makes me feel so special that Ben would put a date like this together for me”…um, honey, the producers do that.  

Cocktail party starts and Rachel, Courtney and Jennifer all have roses already.  My girl Emily from NC is upset about how fake Courtney is and she decides to go tell him.  Ben tells her that if she consumes herself with worrying about another girl that it will interfere with her trying to get to know Ben.  Kasie S. goes and tells Courtney that Emily is talking about her…and the drama begins.  Courtney thinks everyone is jealous of her…so wrong.  I want to punch this bitch in the face…hard.  Poor Emily…

Ben gives roses to:Lindzy, Jamie, Nikki, Kacie B., Elise, Blakeley, Kasie S., and Emily...sending Monica and her gigantic boobs home.

Next week they're headed to Puerto Rico!

Ciao Y'all!

The Bachelor - Week 3

The gang is in San Francisco – all I can think of is, “man, I haven’t had Rice-a-Roni in a LONG time!”

Ben meets up with his sister Julia to chat about the girls.  Ben only brings up the girls he’s really spent any time with – they’re probably going to be the final 5.

First date card is presented to the ladies by Sir Chris Harrison – and it goes to Emily the girl from Chapel Hill, NC.  The date: climb the Bay Bridge.  Seriously?  Bungee jumping, sky diving – both cool…climbing a bridge?  NOT COOL.  Bridges are meant to DRIVE on…not climb!  I don’t like heights…and neither does Emily – not hating.  Ben apparently has magical kisses because after she has a panic attack he kisses her and then everything is okie dokie!  My first thought once they’re at the top…”how do they get down?”

barf.

 Now that I can breathe again…they love birds head off to dinner – on the ground.  Icebreaker of the night: Emily tells Ben that an online dating site matched her and her brother up.  Pretty hilarious…and absolutely something that would happen to me – if I had a brother.  Either way, Ben gives Emily the rose.  Observation: either Ben is wearing lip gloss or Emily is wearing too much of it.

Group Date: Blakeley, Monica, Rachel, Nicki, Elyse, Jamie, Samantha, Jaclyn, Kacie B, Erika, and Casey S.  They’re going snow skiing – in the city…on a street.  Bad ass.  These dummies are falling all over the place…in Bikinis – that’s gotta be cold!

Next date card comes and it’s for Brittney and it comes with a huge necklace.  Then Brittney is second guessing being there and not sure if she wants to go.  And then she decides to leave for real…GOOD FOR HER!  Finally someone who is honest with themselves enough to leave the process if they’re not 100% in it.

Back to the group date…Ben takes Rachel off first to chat after dinner.  And he kisses her.  Dude, this guy is a big fan of the kissing.  Then he kisses Kacie B…like 10 minutes after Rachel.  He didn’t kiss Brittney when she left!  Wonder if she kept the necklace?  Ben gives the rose on the group date to Rachel.

So, since Brittney left – Lindzi get’s her date!  Thank goodness he didn’t give it to Courtney!  They ride a trolley, get ice cream and then go to city hall when they get a private concert by Matt Nathanson!  Ben kisses her – shocker.  Then they go to an old school speakeasy – so cool!  Ben gives her the rose.  I don’t think this guy has it in him to invite a girl out on a one-on-one and not give her a rose.  Then Ben proves that he is a Renaissance man and plays the piano for Lindzi.  Seriously…men like this don’t exist – at least not in Charlotte.

Mystery caller calls Chris Harrison and says that she’s coming to San Francisco.  Who is this girl!?!

Cocktail party: Ben kisses yet another girl…this time it’s Jennifer.  Now we get to find out who this mystery girl is!  It’s Shawntel from the Bachelor LAST time!  WTF?  Can anyone just call Chris Harrison up and get on the show?  Courtney just may show up the drama Shawntel is going to cause with her petty bull crap.  Oh, and Ben kisses Courtney too.  Dr., we need a shot of penicillin, STAT!  Some kind of disease is going to get passed around by the end of the season.

shawntel.

Enter Shawntel…literally – she just walks right in and finds Ben (talking to Elyse).  “Holy Shit”…that’s what I was thinking too, Ben!  Ballsy move lady…wants to be a part of the rose ceremony and potentially be a contestant (is that the correct word for these girls?).  These girls are ripping her a new one!  On another note: I’ve been looking for a dress for my reunion and I now know what kind I want – what Shawntel has on.  

Courtney boo-hoos and says she’s going to leave if Ben gives Shawntel a rose. 

At the rose ceremony, Ben gives a rose to Courtney first and she tells him that she will accept but that tonight was hard for her to watch Shawntel and Ben talk.  Blah blah blah.

Kasie B, Elyse, Jaymie, Jennifer, Casie S., Blakeley, Monica, Nicki, Samantha, and before the final rose can go out - Erika passes out!  Holy shit!  Now we have drama!!!

Erika, Jacylin and Shawntel are the only three remaining - if Erika faked that to get a rose...well done ma'am!  BUT...Ben doesn't give it to ANY of them!  Jacylin runs off crying, Erika passes out again, and Shawntel casually walks out with Courtney barking "see ya" to her in the background.  

Next stop for the gang is Park City, Utah.

My Final 3:

Nicki

Kacie B.

Lindzi

In other news: I heard that Emily is the next Bachelorette...and it's going to be filmed in CHARLOTTE!!!  My plan: find the mansion, sit outside of it at night and wait for the cast offs.  One girl's trash is another's treasure...or they could just be losers.  Meh.

Oh Baby!

No, I'm not pregnant...but nearly 50% of my friends are!  So the past three months I've been purchasing more from Buy Buy Baby and Target Baby Registries than I would normally like to see show up on my bank statement.  BUT, I'm so happy for all the gals that are preggers.

Saturday, we had a shower for our friend Mary Ann in Elgin, SC.  Thank GOD for Pintrest!  (Warning: it's crack)  I "stole" two ideas from there and they were a total success!

quack.

 Not only was this punch CUTE, but it was actually pretty tasty! 

dream tree

dream tree cards

my wish for Mary Elizabeth

The dream tree served as the centerpiece and was a total hit with the ladies that attended!  Mary Ann can now take the cards and put them in Mary Elizabeth's baby book.

Brooke, if you're reading this...you may or may not see both of these ideas in the near future!

Speaking of Brooke-tini...her shower is coming up in about 3 weeks!  I am so glad I was able to get the invitations created and mailed out before the shower on Saturday...I hate getting invites so close to the date!  If you don't know me already, I'm cheap...so I busted these out in Powerpoint, fine tuned in Photoshop and...

Again, I'm super excited for all you gals that are expecting...but I'm tired.  So, if I show up to your shower not wanting to play "how big is mommy's belly"...forgive me.  I'm kinda over it. 

Bitter?  no...

Jealous?  a little...

Tired?  abso-freaking-lutely.

 

Cheers Y'all!

1/2 Way thru January...

...and I failed.  I've been doing so good with the just one cup in the morning - but Saturday afternoon I gave in.  I was exhausted from Mary Ann's shower and had tons of peer pressure about going out that night.  So, instead of going to the C Store and grabbing a $2 Red Bull, I decided to break my rule and have another cup o' joe.

And, let me tell ya...it worked!  Cause by 11:00 that night I was doing this:

Caption: I have no clue what I'm doing...

And this....

I didn't drop anything...but I did drop it like it's hot!

And by the end of the night I looked like this...

exactly as I remember it...

So, yea...I failed.  BUT, technically I said I wouldn't have more than one cup in the morning...and I haven't.

So BOOM.

The Bachelor - Week 2

Week two and we’re already going to the Bachelor’s hometown?  Oh dear…

First date goes to Kacie B. (the admin from TN) – and there’s no cheesy way to leave it for her to open in front of the other girls?  What’s going on ABC???

Ben scoops Kacie up in a sweet ride and they head off into what seems to be a ghost town – Sonoma, CA.  They visit some of the stores and Kacie buys a baton and proceeds to tell Ben that she once was a baton twirler.  They get to have their own parade – with no worries of being run over…apparently this town goes to sleep at 5:00pm.  I can’t hate on this date too much – it’s probably one of the most “real” dates in Bachelor history.  

As much as I would also like to hate on Ben, I have to admit, the guy is pretty much the most “real” bachelor I’ve ever watched.  He is genuine – and seems to be just a damn good guy.

The next date card comes: Britney, Rachel, Jennifer, Blakeley, Emily, Dawn, Monica, Samantha, Jamie, Nikki, and Jaclyn. “Come Play with Me”…hmmm.  Blakeley isn’t a big fan of the group date…she’s gonna be a problem.

Back to the 1^st date: Ben gives Kacie B. the first rose and the first real kiss!  Southern Gals, represent!  After dinner, Ben takes Kacie to a movie theater and they watch home videos of Kacie and Ben as a kid.  Dear Lord, ABC…why you gotta make these fools cry on their first date?  Showing videos of Ben and his deceased father!?!  This is NOT first date material!  A little too intimate for a first date – OR, it could seal the deal and they’re connected forever because they boo-hoo’d together on their first date.

Group date #1: 12 women, one man, one play – written by children.  And the kids are planning on auditioning the girls…and basically making them look like idiots.  Blakeley is wearing a striped romper, and the “girls” are all over the place.  Like I said, this one is going to be a problem.

So the play is at the community play house and some of Ben’s friends are there.  And the play is actually funny…for 5^th graders as writers.

After the play, the date continues in the evening…and the claws come out.  By whom?  Blakeley.  I told you!

Date card #3 comes to the gals back at the house and it’s for Courtney.  She’s annoying.  And apparently she’s pissing people off too.

Back to the group date, and the cliché chicken fights, drunk girls in the pool, Ben slobbering all over all the girls, and of course drama.  Ugh, all these kisses…its gross.  First Jennifer, then Blakeley…who’s next?

Nobody…cause it’s over.  Ben ends the date with giving the rose to Blakeley…and giving the rest of the girls a bad taste in their mouths.

One on one date #2 with Courtney, and Ben’s dog – Scotch.  Damn Ben, already introducing the chicks to your son?  Anywho…they take a hike into the woods for a picnic.  Totally off subject, but I wonder if all the wine consumed on this season is from Ben’s vineyard?  This date is boring me so much I’ve found myself concentrating more on Words with Friends than the show.  This chick is fake, and a really good actress.  So she wins the rose.  Oh Ben…listen to your instincts – “too good to be true” usually is.

Cocktail time!  And Ben is planning on spending some time with the girls he didn’t get to spend time with over the week – smart man!  Of course, Blakeley steals Ben away from Samantha – someone who didn’t get a chance to talk to him on the group date.  Come on girl…you have a rose!  Let the other girls get to know the guy too!  If you’re so confident in your connection with him…a few minutes letting him go talk to other girls won’t hurt.  She’s a friggin shark!

Jenna is a freakazoid.  That's all I have to say about that.  Too-da-loo ya weirdo.  She's a writer because she's a terrible talker...clearly.

Ok, I just saw the clock on the oven - it's 12:00am.  Dear Lord!  There's no way I could go on this show!  I'd be the chick sleeping in the corner at 11:00!

Blakeley is officially the Bentley of the Bachelor...except with tears and huge boobs.  The dumb girl is crying in a corner because none of the girls like her.  WELL...if you weren't so rude to them maybe they wouldn't hate you!

And Jenna is upstairs in the bedroom crying.  COME ON GIRLS!  Get it together!  Men don't like when girls cry!  EVER.  They don't know how to deal with crying women.  So, go put on your big girl panties and get a GRIP!

At the Rose Ceremony Ben gives Roses to:

• Jennifer 
• Emily
• Elyse
• Jaclyn
• Erika
• Rachel
• Lyndzie
• Nikki
• Casey S.
• Samantha
• Monica
• Jamie
• Britney

 Sending Jenna and Shawn packing...Jenna packing in tears none the less.


The girls are headed to San Francisco! 


Til next Monday...