The Bachelor - Week 5

It’s week 5 and we’re in Puerto Rico with 11 gals left to win over Ben’s heart.  Puerto Rico – I’m already expecting a “this is the perfect place to fall in love” sometime in the next hour.  Nikki gets the first one on one date and it’s written in Spanish – of course smarty farty Emily can speak Spanish and translates for the others.

OH look!  A helicopter.  Imagine that.  Oh, and it pours on their date so they’re soaked.  So, the couple goes out to find new dry clothes – “traditional Puerto Rican garments”…not so much.  Ben looks like a kid dressed up in his Mafia Uncle’s clothes.

Second part of the date – after they practically crash a wedding ceremony – they hang out and talk about Nikki’s past relationship and marriage.  Blah blah blah.  Apparently Ben doesn’t mind sloppy seconds, because he gives Nikki the rose.  Kiss, Kiss, Kiss….barf barf barf.

The group date: Lindzi, Courtney, Kacie B., Emily, Rachel, Cacey S., Jamie, Blakeley, and someone else (no clue what her name is) go to the Gigante’s stadium to play a little baseball.  Chris Harrison crashes the date and tells the girls that there’s a romantic beach date that night and the winning team gets the evening date – losers go back to hotel.  Lindzi gets picked to play on both teams – therefore securing one of the five spaces for the night time date.  These bitches are ruthless!  The red team wins after Jennifer strikes out in extra innings.  Helicopter #2 shows up and the blue team is PISSED – especially Blakeley.  Haven’t these girls seen “A League of Their Own?”  There’s no crying in baseball!  

The five girls that won get to go to a beach side campfire date where Ben gets a little one on one time with all of the girls.  Ben gives Kacie B. the rose on the group date…but Courtney won’t be having that.  She steals Ben away RIGHT after he gives Kacie the rose.  Courtney proposes that she and Ben go skinny dipping…Ben isn’t so sure about it.

Elyse gets the second one on one date with Ben and it’s on a yacht!  Not much to report here, folks…it’s pretty boring for being a date on a giant yacht.  The evening comes and they have a dinner on the beach with pink champagne and boring conversation.  This girl is kind of boring…pretty, but boring.  And apparently Ben doesn’t find her much more interesting – so he doesn’t give her the rose.  And with that…Elyse is sent packing – in a dingy.  

Courtney is a bitch.  I mean seriously…people like her really exist in the world?  So much hatred and rudeness towards other women.  And the couth to show up at Ben’s hotel room unannounced with wine, lotion and nothing but a bathrobe on.  What a slut.  Courtney lures Ben out onto the beach and then somehow gets him naked and in the water.  What a slut.  “You’re only in Puerto Rico once”…but you ma’am will be a slut forever.

As Sandra Lee says “It’s Cocktail Time!”  Blakeley pulls Ben aside and tells him some B.S. about how she deserves love and blah, blah, blah.  Courtney continues to be a slut.  Emily tells Ben that she’s not worried about Courtney and wants to focus on her and Ben’s relationship…but then continues to talk about how she doesn’t like Courtney.  Ben tells her to watch out and basically to butt out.  

At the Rose Ceremony, Ben gives roses to Lindzi, Jamie, Rachel, Courtney, Cacey S., Blakeley and Emily - sending Jennifer home.

Next week - they're off to Panama City!

Toot-a-loo y'all!