Monday, August 29, 2011

2011 VMA's (a.k.a. The WTF Show)

So, I sat on my big green sofa last night expecting just what I ended up seeing...awards given out for music videos that we never see on MTV.  

Apparently a memo was sent out last week to the nominees and performers that said: "Do whatever you want...we don't care.  We've got a really good guy working the dump button for the LIVE show...so cuss all you want." 

I decided to give my review of the VMA's in 35 short statements:  Read on if you care.

    • Lady Gaga always scares me...and I had no idea it was her until she started singing.   
    Man Gaga
    • Kevin Hart's monologue made me dizzy.
    • Yay!  Brit-Brit won "Best Female Video"!
    • Kanye and JayZ performed off their new album - I'm downloading the album today. Period.
    • Oh Hi Miley, way to dress like an adult. But, honey...just because you have 5 fingers doesn't mean you should wear a ring on each of them.

    Rawr.


    •  Will Ferril + Jack Black + a bunch of hood rats = epic fail.

      My money's on the Dark Side.
    •  Nikki Minaj looks like a toy chest on LSD.
    Seriously...WTF?
    • Why the hell is the house band's lead singer sitting in a chair.  And who the hell is she?
    •  Katy Perry and Kanye win collaboration award and Katy burns Kanye on stage - "Don't interrupt me"
    • I'm sick of Pitbull and Ne-Yo doing the same damn song for every TV appearance.  We get it...We may not get tomorrow...  I love this song, but you guys are wearing it out - ON TV!  That's the radio's job!
    •  Adelle has more than one song?
    • Is the Bieb drunk?  And why the hell does he have a snake?!?
    Do these glasses make me look smart?  No.
    • Chris Brown may slap a bitch, but the kid can dance...and apparently fly.
    • "Chair Girl" sings "Scrubs" after Chris Brown's performance...planned?
    • Again...Man Gaga freaks me out.
    • Britney Spears tribute was AWESOME!!!
    • Nobody will ever marry Lady Gaga.  Just sayin.
    • Eeew Britney, don't kiss that strange creature!  Oh, whew...she didn't! 


    Not hot.

    • Beyonce killed it...maybe it's because she has some extra JayZ swag in her...literally.
    • Dear Selena Gomez, please pick Team Taylor...the Bieb is a loser.
    • Who the hell is Tyler the Creator?  What did he create?  Who are all these people with him?  I'm so confused.
    • Quote of the night "To all da kids das watchin', you can $&*@(  %&*#($#   %&#*($&#*(  if you set yo mind to it"  - Tyler the Creator. 
    • Dear Jared Leto, listen to your shirt...
    No Jareds Allowed
    • Aww, Young the Giant brought all 250 of their fans!
    • LOVING the LMFAO Kia commercials.  There's nothing better than hamsters doing the shuffle. 
    • Chloris Lechman told Pauly D that he's DTF.  Yeeeeea Buddy! 
    •  Why does Katy Perry have a block on her head?
    Cheese Head?
    • Once again, Gaga is scary.
    •  Russell Brand, while strange looking, actually speaks very well.  Maybe it's his accent?
    • Tony Bennett and Amy Winehouse...another WTF moment brought to you by the letters V.O.D.K. and A.
    • Hey musicians...how about we try and make it a year without someone killing themselves on pills and alcohol so we don't have to have another tribute next year?  OK?  Thanks.
    • Adelle sings along with every performer.
    •  Video of the year: Katy Perry and her cheese cube
    •  Lil Wayne's performance: Started out clean and actually pretty good...and then the censor guy showed his talents.  I think I HEARD 4 words in the second part of his performance.
    What's the point in even wearing pants?
    • Oh, and if you were wondering "boxers or briefs"...Weezy is obviously a briefs guy.


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