Pool Closed for Cleaning - Someone Crapped in the Gene Pool

I spent the majority of my weekend at the pool, and at one point I was looking for Ashton because I was certain I was being "Punked".

So here's my 10 new pool rules:

You must have a maximum of 2 tattoos on your body to enter the pool area.

 

Tattoos must not be of the following categories: dragons, Asian lettering, tribal bands, Confederate flags, American flags, or names of your potential children/lover. (Tattoos currently in the process of being removed do not count.)

Speedo's are not allowed.  We don't care if you're foreign or if you play water polo - you're in America, we play baseball and football and wear shorts.  Please stop.

If your child is too young to hold their own head up, please do not put them in a float.  That's just wrong.

"Floaties" do only what they say they do...make kids float.  They don't teach them to swim - that is your job, parents.

There shall be no making out of any kind in the pool or surrounding areas.  Period.

Bring your own damn pool toys!  Do not depend on the more prepared residents to provide these for the entire pool.

The pool does not open until 1:00pm on Sundays - that does not mean you can jump the fence at 11:00am.

Please wear a bathing suit if you are in the pool...shorts and a t-shirt are not appropriate.  If you are concerned about being too fat to be in a bathing suit, the gym is right next door and is open 24/7.

If you have conversations about really private things, please speak loud enough so that others may enjoy laughing and blogging about them later.

Now that I've put it all out there, nobody will ever want to come to the pool with me.  But before you say "No", trust me on this one - the Bradford Park pool is WAY more entertaining than anything on TV.  If they keep it up, (fingers crossed!) I may have to start a "people of the pool" page (ie: www.peopleofwalmart.com).

And now silly kitty and the new signs I'm posting at the pool.